Revision, Poem #4

For this one I challenged myself the most.  I decided to write my swimming poem using a song.  Here goes nothing!  

Draft #4

(To the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb)

Elena was a swimmer star

swimmer star

swimmer star

Elena was a swimmer star 

whose stroke were fast and smooth.

 

Anytime that she swam

she swam

she swam

anytime that she swam

she swam past everyone.  

 

When she went to the pool one day

pool one day

pool one day

When she went to the pool one day

She decided she was done.  

 

This was the hardest one to do by far, but also fun!  It  think it’ll get the biggest reaction from my class too!

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10 thoughts on “Revision, Poem #4

  1. I think is playful, fun, and BRAVE which is exactly what revision is all about – revision of all writing! I think poems lend themselves to developing the habits of revision because they are shorter than narratives and kids, people, are willing to see what happens! Thanks for sharing and making me sing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are brave, and it is such a fun poem, but serious too (when you say you are done so suddenly after such a happy sounding first few stanzas). It caught me off guard, which I think is interesting!

    Liked by 1 person

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