Revision, Poem #5

For this revision I decided to lift a line from my song revision.  I also used repetition to tell a story about my life as a swimmer.

Draft #5

Elena was a swimmer star

Swimming

freestyle

and backstroke,

mostly.

 

Elena was a swimmer star

As a Pisce 

an Eagle

an Aqua Jet

and finally

a Bantam.

 

Elena was a swimmer star

competing on teams

from age 7

to 22.

 

Elena was a swimmer star

an athlete

a team player

a captain.

 

Elena is a retired  swimmer star!

 

This exercise with revision was so helpful.  It really made me think.  I could probably keep going with revision like published poets probably do.

I’m not sure which of these poems I like the best though.  Do you have a favorite?

5 thoughts on “Revision, Poem #5

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